I have been thinking about this a lot, because of the latest topic at Wings and a few other instances. This is to all my ladies, who have been there or are there currently. This is not going to be easy to hear, but I wish someone would have told me these lessons.
When I was in my late teens, early 20s, I had the "savior" complex. So I was great at choosing the wrong guys, because I was going to "fix" them, I was going to get them to see the light...
There is many problems with settling... yes, settling. First, you will never "fix" a person. As many redeeming and good qualities you might see in that person, if they don't know they are "broken" they will not want to be fixed. And who do you think you are? Do you possibly think you are capable of what only God can do? Do you think you can cure, alcoholism, drug use, the tendency to stray and so on? Take it from me, when I say, these red flags, are something you should run away from. This person might have good qualities and great potential, but God never intended for you to wait for that person to catch up. God will work on that person's heart, in His timing, not yours. God has someone perfect for you, who doesn't have serious flags... I'm not saying be super picky... you also can't cure a slob, but that's not a reason to throw an otherwise good guy to the curb.
Another important lesson is, there's a reason why your loved ones (i.e. friends and family) don't care for the person you are with... They love you, they care for you and they know you. They want what's best for you. They aren't being necessarily difficult, they just don't want you to settle. Been there, done that... when you do find the right person, they will like him.
Never, ever, fall into the trap of lowering your values to be with someone. If you find yourself doing stuff, you never thought you would do, sinning and so on, because you think you will "connect" better with that person, that maybe they will think you are cool and relate. That doesn't work, you might start "relating" with that person, but before you know it, you are the one changing and you forget to witness to that person. A great analogy I heard after I learned the hard way, was imagine yourself standing on a chair with someone directly below you. Try and pull the person below you up onto the chair... hard isn't it? Now have the person on the floor pull you off the chair... simple, huh? It's so easy to fall onto the wrong path.
I am not saying to not witness to people who are on the wrong path, but getting too close (dating them) is never a good idea. God never intended for you to fall from Him in order to save another. Remember God has to prepare this person, change this person's heart. If it's not their time, they won't be ready. So ultimately not ready for you. Plant the seed, then let God do the rest. God has a wonderful person out there for you, who you don't have to compromise your beliefs for, and who will help grow your faith, not hinder it.
Do not settle, wait for God to move in your life.
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