Goodbye Part 2

I was listening to Pandora the other day and a Joshua Radin song came on. The first part talks about sad things like Hurricane Katrina and so on and wondering if things will ever be better again. It ends with this.

But I look at you, warm in your dream
While your mobile dances above
And I think to myself
It’s a beautiful night
And I know everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes now I know It’ll be alright.

Circle of life… no wonder Haylie brightens all sad days… It puts life into perspective. One lfe ends and new ones begin. Life goes on and on. We'll never forget our loved ones who've left us. Put we surge on and hold onto our memories.

God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5: 4

More to come....

Goodbye Part 1

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. - Irish proverb

Today I remember the look my aunt gave him every time he tried his best to make the game Scategories PG13 instead of PG or G in front of her impressionable nieces, then he would just get more and more creative to try and get away with it. So ornery and such a character. I remember gourmet cooking, Christmases, and vacations to Colorado. I remember how you could so easily tell how crazy he was about my aunt and how it made my heart sing that she had someone who cared so deeply for her. I remember how he took charge of decorations at my wedding and did an amazing job doing them. My wedding was more than I could imagine, because of loved ones helping out, and that includes both my aunt and uncle. I remember his son’s (my cousin) wedding last year and how happy we all were that he was there to see it.

The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die. Psalm 116:15

To be continued...

Remembering

It's never been easy for me to express my feelings of 9/11, let alone put them in words. I think I felt unworthy of writing anything because I felt like a fraud. I was not there and no one I knew died. How could I be so affected and so sad, when I wasn't directly affected?

Expect it did affect me and did change me. For years, I couldn't pinpoint the reason. I mean I am my mother's daughter, so that's probably one reason I'm so emotional, but it was looking back this anniversary that I figured it out.

Ten years ago, I stared blankly at my phone after listening to a confusing message from my mom. My mom must have assumed I knew what was going on. I had literally woke up, dressed and ran to my first class. And after my first class, I'm explaining my weird expression to my friend, Erin, "I don't know, my mom said my sister is ok and something about bombs in NY?"

I remember thinking nothing of it and not calling my mom back, because she was working. But when I got to my dorm and walked by two rooms with their TV's on, I started sprinting down the hall. Gaping at the TV, I tried to call my sister. Of course, I couldn't get through. Hearing from my mom that she was ok wasn't enough. I had to hear her voice. I wouldn't get to until 6 pm that night. That was the longest day of my life.

For a college freshman, freshly into a new experience, I think one of the hardest things to grasp was that life wasn't always rosy. It wasn't easy. The sheltered life I came from crashed before me. My eyes were open.

But this past week the most important lesson I realized I learned from all this? Life is precious. Never take anyone or anything for granted. I was so self centered and absorbed in myself back then. Jealous of a smart, successful older sister. How silly and stupid. She is smart and successful, and beautiful and kind, but I'm proud to call her my sister not jealous. I am thankful for the chance to bond with my sister. I am thankful that God kept her safe that day.

Life is truly precious, tell the people you love that you love them TODAY! I love you Jen.

If I Knew

If I would have known what I know now

I would have told myself to wait

If I would have known what I know now

I would have told myself I am beautiful

If I would have known what I know now

I would have told myself I am worth it

If I would have known what I know now

I would have told myself that time heals all wounds

If I would have listened

I would have stopped and been still

If I would have listened

I would have stopped and prayed

If I would have taken the time to see You

I would have stopped and praised You

If I would have realized Your heart

I would have looked to the Heavens for answers

If I would have known what I know now

I would have known You were the only way

If I would have opened my eyes

I would have known You were always there

If I would have looked to my side

I would have known that You never leave

If I would have opened my heart

I would have known that You love me

Knowing what I know now

I know I am beautiful, worth it, and healed

Knowing what I know now

I know You are always there

Knowing what I know now

I love You, Thank You, and Praise You

Amen.

What I've learned... this year: Part 1- Ellie's Legacy

--- I'm going to start a 4 part series on the most important lessons, that God has taught me this year. Or I guess the ones that have really caught my attention, my breakthroughs.----

Acts 16: 5 (NLT) So the churches were strengthened in their faith and grew larger every day

It has followed me since middle school confirmation classes. One of the years of confirmation, we were assigned mentors. My mentor was Ellie. I loved Ellie. She was a sweet old lady, who had a passion for God. I don't think I fully recognized this at the time, but her gentle spirit shone through. Looking back now, I know what I loved about her. I loved God and her faith. She was a living breathing example of a Christ follower.

Ellie passed away around the time of my confirmation graduation. To honor her legacy, I talked my mother into helping me teach Ellie's Sunday school class of pre-kindergarteners. We switched every other Sunday throughout my high school years. I'm not sure I would say that I loved this type of servanthood, but it felt good doing something that Ellie so much loved and did without complaint.

The thing about serving in Children's ministry is I never was big on kids... I say this and I have a child. Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted a child of my own and I love my daughter like crazy. But I have a problem with naughty kids.

My first venture was a pleasant one. There was sweet little Adam, who was guaranteed to know the answer to every question and he listened and obeyed everything I said. Adam was the type of kid, that made me want to have 5 kids. That's not to say there wasn't the kids, where I frequented the question, "What did David do in the story?" or "What did I just say?" and they just stared at me blankly.

My second venture in children's ministries wasn't a good one. There were kids hitting each other, not listening and frustrations galore. I finally had to quit, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't tell the children's minsitry coordinator the main reason, which was, if I continued on this venture, I would never have kids of my own. :) I signed up for Women's ministries and fell in love immediatley, I never wanted to go back to Kids' Ministries.

Shortly after having my daughter, came a new season in my life, God moved my family to a new, smaller church. Being in a newer church, meant less opportunies to pick and chose where I've served. The pastor's wife approached me about helping in my daughter's class. On the inside, I'm instantly thinking, "oh boy here I go again!" I wanted to serve though and this was my opportunity.

I hate to admit it, but I wasn't so happy about it at first. Fortunately unlike my old church, there were enough volunteers that I didn't have to do it every weekend, so that helped. I pouted though, when it was my weekend, "but God... I want to be fed! I want to go to worship! They are naughty! They don't listen! I can't discipline them, because they aren't my kids!"

It was at a ministry meeting with the pastor's wife, when she spoke about the importantance of the kid's ministry. So many people walk through that door, needing to know God, needing to be fed, needing to hear that sermon and by watching their children, I am affording them the opportunity to really concentrate on God's Word. In a way, you could say, the people watching your children at church, are helping bring people to Christ. A person could be sitting in church and hear that message that resonates with their soul and make a decision to receive Christ as their savior. Could they have done that with their 3 year old wiggling or whining in the seat next to them? Probably not.

And teaching these stories to little ones does sink in, little by little. Children do listen, not always, but they typically do watch what you do. Take for instance my daughter. I started praying with her before bedtime the begining of the summer (she's 2). She now grabs my hands randomly and asks me to pray. Maybe she doesn't completely get it, but it's sinking in.

By honoring God by obeying His commands and helping grow my church, God has grown me. I didn't think I was really that good with other people's kids. Maybe I'm not as good as others, I mean I almost threw up on a poor kid with a really stinky diaper, because apparently I can only handle my own daughter's stinky diapers. But God is working on me, the kids feel comfortable with me, and I'm starting to get the hang of it. I'm also starting to feel less uncomfortable around other kids. :)

We might not always feel like doing what we are asked to do, but helping grow God's church will bless you in ways you never thought possible. So before you say no, think about what you could be doing to help build the Kingdom of Heaven. This could be a growth opportunity for you as well.

For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up. Romans 14: 17-19

Thirsty

John 7:37-38 On the last day, the climax of the festival, Jesus stood and shouted to the crowds, “Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! ³⁸ Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.

I've been drinking a lot of water lately for healthy living challenge at work. A lot of times in the morning, as I am sure is this way with many people, I am pretty dehydrated. I try to drink a glass of water immediatley, but things get busy and even sometimes when I do drink a glass, by the time I get to work, I'm dying for more water.

This morning, I was pretty distracted and was sucking down coffee like nobody's business, forgetting the whole time that I needed to be drinking my water at the same time. About mid morning, I was starting to not to feel well. In fact I was starting to feel pretty crappy.

Suddenly as it dawned on me how dehydrated I was, I walked to the fridge and started chugging a water bottle. Like magic, the water started flowing into my body and I could almost feel it work it's way through me. I instantly felt better.

This is just like Jesus's living water. We need to spend time daily in His Word and praying to God. Let the living Word soak into your body and heal you. Daily time with your Lord will make your thirsty like never before. Drink of Him and experience a peace like never before.

Dear Lord, help me to always be conscience of my friends' trials and hurts, so I can be a light in the midst of the dark. So I remember to pray when they need it. But Lord show me when I'm trying to carry it, so I can hand it over to you.

In Your name,
Amen

Grandma's Quilt

I often wonder if Grandma Helen looks fondly down from heaven happy she gave me her quilt. One afternoon while helping her, she gave it to me after I complimented her on how pretty it was. I hesitated at first, but she insisted and I knew she wouldn't be around much longer and a memento seemed nice.

Now years later it is well used as she told me to do, "It's to be used, Lisa!". It keeps me warm and now my daughter has latched onto it and wants to cuddle under it all the time. Lately I have been draping it over the top of the couch to make a "tent" for Haylie.

Yes, I think she's looking down with a smile.

Helicopter Mom

I recently had my first run in with a bully in the form of a 4 year old. Ok, I digress, she wasn't really a bully, but it was more the revelation that my two year old will have run ins with bullies in her life. Despite the fact that I think she is the sweetest and most precious child, someone will hurt her. The other night at daycare as I was picking up my daughter, Haylie, she comes running to me with supreme excitement waving a coloring page at me, “Mommy I color, I color!” She had the cutest smile on her face as she launched into my arms at put the page in my face. “Oh Haylie, that’s beautiful, good job!” I said kissing her and setting her down. Enters the 4 year old, who always has something to say to me, “That’s not coloring, that’s just scribbles.” Fortunately Haylie not only wouldn’t understand the derogatory undertones, she was busy looking for her shoes. I was little taken aback, I'm not going to lie… what does it matter, she’s 2 and she’s happy about it? The lioness threatened to roar and protect her little cub, but Jesus threatened, "Lisa, she is four, behave yourself!!" Ok, so Jesus is gentle, I'm sure it was more, "Lisa...remember she is only 4, show her love, not anger." So I just softly said, “That’s ok!” with a smile and went on quietly putting Haylie’s shoes on and grabbing her bag. It’s funny that a child could do that to an adult, Haylie was completely unaffected and continued to be in the best mood all night, but then she’s generally a super happy child. As I think about this moment, I’m sad. Sad, because after talking to another mom who takes her kids there, her daughter was singled out by this girl’s cousin for wearing a shirt to close together, “You’re wearing that shirt again?!” It makes me think of that movie, Mean Girls... and yes, I'm not fibbing, I really haven't seen it. I'm not just saying that, because it would be embarassing to admit it, I honestly haven't seen it, but I totally get the concept. Really, 4 year olds are already acting like snotty teenagers? Since when did mean girls start this early? Was I unaware of this growing up or did this not happen when I was young? And I’m sad, because what kind of parents do these girls have? Do they show them love? Do they teach them how to be nice? It sucks that Haylie will have to go through this, but it’s life, and it's my part in this depressing part of growing up, to teach Haylie that no matter what anyone says or does, that is not who she is. God loves her and He created her to be loving and be a light. I hope my example and my teaching will show her that to be God’s servant you have to stand out and just plain be nice despite the circumstances. To turn the other cheek. May God hold me back when I want to be the helicopter mom, a term I will steal from my good friend, Jenn. The type of mom that swoops in and tries to fix everything and protect them from pain.

Journey of Healing

Our suffering is not meaningless because God has a plan.
- From Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner by Wendy Blight

I cannot tell you how many times, I read that above quote. How many times have you wanted to bury the deep hurts and move on? I know I have, but it doesn't work, does it? You try to plow forward, but that past smacks you in the face every time. That is unless you surrender it to God and let Him carry it for you. 

So that brings up another question, a plan for my suffering? What good could possibly come from this plan? I think healing in our pain comes in layers. How many layers? I'm sure there can be less or more depending on the situation and your ability to hand it over to God, but here are a few I have experienced: forgiveness, acceptance, and sharing.

I truly think it would be hard to forgive yourself or someone else if you didn't accept the situation first. If it's already happened, being in denial will surely not help you. Denial will make your life stagnant, you won't move forward. Accept what has happened, cry if you must, no one said you weren't allowed to cry. Then it's time to forgive. Forgive your offender, so God can work on his/her life. God will deal with that person, but if you keep getting in His way, nothing will ever change in your life and that's what is important. And every time that hurt boils up, ask for help from God, you might have to forgive multiple times, and you most definitely will need God's help to find the peace to get past it.

Next comes "spiritual" sharing which is where someone can gain insight and help from your experience. Whether it's one on one or on a grand scale. Letting someone else know what happened, ultimately is healing. Believe it or not, you are not alone. Someone else has been there and if you are in a good place about it, it's time to share, because you can help others with your revelations from God! And that, my friend, is the most powerful level of healing!

If your revelation hadn't delighted me so,
      I would have given up when the hard times came.
   But I'll never forget the advice you gave me;
      you saved my life with those wise words.
   Save me! I'm all yours.
      I look high and low for your words of wisdom.
   The wicked lie in ambush to destroy me,
      but I'm only concerned with your plans for me.
Psalm 119:92-95 (The Message)

God has a beautiful plan for the suffering and trials you have been through. If you let Him, God will take you on a journey of healing that will take that pain and turn into something more meaniful than you could have ever imagined. As the above verse states, God's revelations will save your life! God bless you in your journey and I'd love to talk to you if you need some encouragement!

Coming Out of My Shell

When I was young I was shy, but then the joke in my family is that it's hard to get a word in edgewise, so I suppose being the baby of the family didn't make it any easier. :-) Slowly as I got older it got better. I remember at 22 or 23 though having a feeling of not fitting in at church. It's not that they weren't preaching a good word, it was just when once I got out of high school, there wasn't youth group or the teens ministry I was involved with to do anymore. And I don't know where I got the perception that Bible study was for old ladies, but my 22 year old brain just never thought that was something a 20 year old did. That and I had just graduated college and that sounded like homework.

Until one day my sister visited town and said, "You should go to bible study." What? Bible study? I had been telling her about some of the people I thought were cool and I'd like to get to meet and my sister suggested that maybe, just maybe they also went to bible study. And besides you might get to know people at church a little better and a little deeper.

Hmm... something to ponder. I didn't go right away, but I was happy that I did eventually go. I grew tremendously in my faith and I met some pretty spectaculer women and made life long friendships. Finding ways to connect with your fellow church goers is so important. It helps build the church family and it makes church so much more meaniful the better you know the people who go there. I'm glad I came out of my shell and tried something new.

Like a Child

Matthew 18:3 (NLT) Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven."

I recently read Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo (click here for info on the book). If you haven't read it, I seriously suggest that you do. It's about a little boy who goes to Heaven during an emergency surgery. The most endearing part of the book is as the boy, Colton recalls his memories of Heaven.

I was so humbled by reading this book. Here this boy so excitely believed everything and bodly told the story. Would I be so forthcomthing and so bold about a similar experience? Being a believer and having read the Bible, I wouldn't doubt, but would I be afraid of what others thought? Am I afraid of what others think of me about my personal testimony? Do I boldly proclaim my faith in a room of unbelievers?

What does faith like a child look like? Strip away the doubt. Take away all the fear of what others think and just live, live for God, live for the purpose He created you for. Go back to the days when Santa brought you presents and you couldn't sleep the night before Christmas in anticipation of tomorrow's presents and activities. That is faith like a child. It's no fear, no doubt and extreme excitement for Jesus! If anyone tried to tell you Santa wasn't real, would you have laughed at them and fought for your cause? Well stand up and fight for Jesus! There's not many times in life that someone will tell you to behave like a child.

Love

I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew
from What Love Really Means by JJ Heller (song)

I love JJ Heller's song "What Love Really Means." The lyrics so beautifully capture people's anguish to feel love from something or someone and how God yearns to show us His love. His real love.

I especially love, "and now that you'll listen, I'll tell you..." Have you ever wondered where God is? Why did this happen? Were you listening? God loves you and He wants more than anything to show you His love.

Did you ever let this verse sink in to the depths of your heart and soul? Read, let it sink in for a minute.

John 3:16 (NIV) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Reflect on God's love for you this Easter. Think of the above verse. Think of the cross. The cross is the ultimate symbol of God's love for us. Happy Easter and God Bless!

God's Instructions

“Have the people of Israel build me a holy sanctuary so I can live among them. ⁹ You must build this Tabernacle and its furnishings exactly according to the pattern I will show you." Exodus 25: 8-9

I admit at this part of the Book of Exodus, I find myself much like I would have been a few years ago, in one of my college general education requirement courses. You know the ones, you have to take them, some are interesting, some you're just thinking, "oh wow, what's the point?" Heads resting on the hand with the occasional sigh and daydream in the midst.

As I'm reading my One Year Bible, I start getting into the part of Exodus where God is intstucting Moses how the Israeliites are to build the tabernacle. This goes on for quite a few chapters. My brain is starting to wander, when I turn to the next chapter...more instructions!

At this point, I'm paying more attention. The instructions are so detailed, so specific. As I think about all the work that went into this, God's not leaving anything to imagination. I then started to wonder how many times God was trying to get my attention with detailed instructions of my life and I was too busy trying to speed to the end of the chapter.

God has a direction for us, He will lead us where we need to be, but are we paying attention? Are we listening? Or more importantly are we obeying Him?

Endurance for the Race

Romans 5: 3-5  ³ We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. ⁴ And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. ⁵ And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
 
Endurance is something I can relate to as a long distance runner. I love a long run, am I sick to enjoy that burning feeling in my lungs? Probably. As I run (especially when outside) I feel so close to God, out in the nature He created relying on Him to help me finish the race. With each mile, it just gets harder. In high school, as a cross country runner, I would tell myself, "Ok, make it to the tree or that hill," and as soon as I made it to my goal, I'd make another one and so on. Something to help keep my mind off the task at hand. Before long, I realized how therapeautic it was. On a bad day, I'd go run. The edorphins from running and the quiet to think was just the trick to heal the wounded heart or stressed out brain.
 
As with any kind of exercise, the more you do it, the easier it gets and more you can add on to your routine, or in my case, the more miles you can run. So with life as we face trials, we're running a race, a spiritual race. There's so many wrong ways to handle problems: drinking, drugs, overeating, anger and so on. When we face our problems head on with God by our side, admitting we can't do it without Him, our character builds and each and every trial, while probably just as painful as the last (depending on what it is) can get easier, because when you learn to bring it to Him, when you rest in the Lord of peace, when you "Trust in the Lord and lean on not your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)," you're not doing the race alone. Instead, God is carrying you the rest of the way.

A New Journey

Jeremiah 29: 11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me."

It's not the destination, it's the journey...I'm sure you've heard that one before. I have been a born again Christian for 11 years now. My journey might not seem like a long one to someone who has been born again a lot longer, but often in those 11 years, I have wondered where God wants me. What does He want me to do? What is my God given purpose? Don't we all or have thought that at some point in our lives? And it seems like I have had so many different paths and directions along the way.

Restless for some quiet and time to write, I was seriously annoyed with my toddler and her resistance to nap time this afternoon. Reluctantly, as I didn't know if it would work, I pulled her out of her bed and went into a dark, quiet room to rock her in the recliner. She was quiet as a mouse and snuggled into her momma so tight. God whispered to me in the quiet as I'm grumbling about the lack of quiet time I would get this afternoon. "Isn't this the quiet time you so desired?" It was... it was quiet, it was peaceful and soon my darling fell asleep in my arms. It's been rare for her to fall asleep in my arms for quite some time. As her second birthday quickly approaches, I relished in the moment of quiet and rubbed the soft cheek of my little love as she peacefully drifted off. Mommy needed that, mommy has missed that.

As I reflect on my journey and know it's far from over, it's quite reassuring that I know I am a wife and a mother. Two very important roles. What other adventures and paths will God bring my way on my journey? It's comforting to read Jeremiah 29: 11-13 and know His plans are good.

A new blog, a new day

Once titled New Beginings, I thought it would be appropriate to retitle this blog to Journey of Purpose as I feel I'm starting a new chapter in life to find out who God created me to be. Stay tuned for a new post.