Remembering

It's never been easy for me to express my feelings of 9/11, let alone put them in words. I think I felt unworthy of writing anything because I felt like a fraud. I was not there and no one I knew died. How could I be so affected and so sad, when I wasn't directly affected?

Expect it did affect me and did change me. For years, I couldn't pinpoint the reason. I mean I am my mother's daughter, so that's probably one reason I'm so emotional, but it was looking back this anniversary that I figured it out.

Ten years ago, I stared blankly at my phone after listening to a confusing message from my mom. My mom must have assumed I knew what was going on. I had literally woke up, dressed and ran to my first class. And after my first class, I'm explaining my weird expression to my friend, Erin, "I don't know, my mom said my sister is ok and something about bombs in NY?"

I remember thinking nothing of it and not calling my mom back, because she was working. But when I got to my dorm and walked by two rooms with their TV's on, I started sprinting down the hall. Gaping at the TV, I tried to call my sister. Of course, I couldn't get through. Hearing from my mom that she was ok wasn't enough. I had to hear her voice. I wouldn't get to until 6 pm that night. That was the longest day of my life.

For a college freshman, freshly into a new experience, I think one of the hardest things to grasp was that life wasn't always rosy. It wasn't easy. The sheltered life I came from crashed before me. My eyes were open.

But this past week the most important lesson I realized I learned from all this? Life is precious. Never take anyone or anything for granted. I was so self centered and absorbed in myself back then. Jealous of a smart, successful older sister. How silly and stupid. She is smart and successful, and beautiful and kind, but I'm proud to call her my sister not jealous. I am thankful for the chance to bond with my sister. I am thankful that God kept her safe that day.

Life is truly precious, tell the people you love that you love them TODAY! I love you Jen.