I had a journal entry I wrote while waiting to fly home after visiting my uncle the last time. I thought I would at some point type it up and share. Honestly, I haven't even brought myself to open it up and read it. Maybe later, but for now, I will keep it sealed up.
Instead for my final entry on my Goodbye series, I'm going to focus on lessons I've learned from loved ones past. It was interesting in reading in Francis Chan's Crazy Love about a 14 year old girl who died and the impact she had on her friends and family. It made me ponder what I wanted people to remember about me when I died.
It's funny how the more deep the impacts people make on you the older you get. For instance, my memories of my Grandma Cram are so not very deep as I could give you for my Grandma Spencer. But then they died approximatley 15 years apart from each other. So time and age play a factor.
The memories I take of my Grandma Cram is service. She was always serving someone whether it was serving food or helping someone out. Her heart was one of caring service.
The memory I take from my Grandpa Spencer is joy. There was something so joyful about his demeanor. He just made you smile.
The lesson I learned from my Grandpa Cram is sticking up for people. He might not have been graceful with this, but he wasn't going to take someone messing with his loved ones. I find myself sticking up for the underdog a lot. Fighting the good fight.
My memory of my Grandma Spencer is determination. I will never forget how she took a pamphlet from a Jehovah's Witness, just so she could study the pamphlet and then studied her bible, because she was determined to debate with them the next time they showed up.
I hope someday that my loved ones can pick out some good traits of mine and hold on to those lessons after I die. The legacy we leave is up to us.
In loving memory of my grandparents and my uncle. May they all rest in peace.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Goodbye Part 2
I was listening to Pandora the other day and a Joshua Radin song came on. The first part talks about sad things like Hurricane Katrina and so on and wondering if things will ever be better again. It ends with this.
But I look at you, warm in your dream
While your mobile dances above
And I think to myself
It’s a beautiful night
And I know everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes now I know It’ll be alright.
Circle of life… no wonder Haylie brightens all sad days… It puts life into perspective. One lfe ends and new ones begin. Life goes on and on. We'll never forget our loved ones who've left us. Put we surge on and hold onto our memories.
God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5: 4
More to come....
But I look at you, warm in your dream
While your mobile dances above
And I think to myself
It’s a beautiful night
And I know everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes now I know It’ll be alright.
Circle of life… no wonder Haylie brightens all sad days… It puts life into perspective. One lfe ends and new ones begin. Life goes on and on. We'll never forget our loved ones who've left us. Put we surge on and hold onto our memories.
God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5: 4
More to come....
Goodbye Part 1
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. - Irish proverb
Today I remember the look my aunt gave him every time he tried his best to make the game Scategories PG13 instead of PG or G in front of her impressionable nieces, then he would just get more and more creative to try and get away with it. So ornery and such a character. I remember gourmet cooking, Christmases, and vacations to Colorado. I remember how you could so easily tell how crazy he was about my aunt and how it made my heart sing that she had someone who cared so deeply for her. I remember how he took charge of decorations at my wedding and did an amazing job doing them. My wedding was more than I could imagine, because of loved ones helping out, and that includes both my aunt and uncle. I remember his son’s (my cousin) wedding last year and how happy we all were that he was there to see it.
The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die. Psalm 116:15
To be continued...
Today I remember the look my aunt gave him every time he tried his best to make the game Scategories PG13 instead of PG or G in front of her impressionable nieces, then he would just get more and more creative to try and get away with it. So ornery and such a character. I remember gourmet cooking, Christmases, and vacations to Colorado. I remember how you could so easily tell how crazy he was about my aunt and how it made my heart sing that she had someone who cared so deeply for her. I remember how he took charge of decorations at my wedding and did an amazing job doing them. My wedding was more than I could imagine, because of loved ones helping out, and that includes both my aunt and uncle. I remember his son’s (my cousin) wedding last year and how happy we all were that he was there to see it.
The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die. Psalm 116:15
To be continued...
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Remembering
It's never been easy for me to express my feelings of 9/11, let alone put them in words. I think I felt unworthy of writing anything because I felt like a fraud. I was not there and no one I knew died. How could I be so affected and so sad, when I wasn't directly affected?
Expect it did affect me and did change me. For years, I couldn't pinpoint the reason. I mean I am my mother's daughter, so that's probably one reason I'm so emotional, but it was looking back this anniversary that I figured it out.
Ten years ago, I stared blankly at my phone after listening to a confusing message from my mom. My mom must have assumed I knew what was going on. I had literally woke up, dressed and ran to my first class. And after my first class, I'm explaining my weird expression to my friend, Erin, "I don't know, my mom said my sister is ok and something about bombs in NY?"
I remember thinking nothing of it and not calling my mom back, because she was working. But when I got to my dorm and walked by two rooms with their TV's on, I started sprinting down the hall. Gaping at the TV, I tried to call my sister. Of course, I couldn't get through. Hearing from my mom that she was ok wasn't enough. I had to hear her voice. I wouldn't get to until 6 pm that night. That was the longest day of my life.
For a college freshman, freshly into a new experience, I think one of the hardest things to grasp was that life wasn't always rosy. It wasn't easy. The sheltered life I came from crashed before me. My eyes were open.
But this past week the most important lesson I realized I learned from all this? Life is precious. Never take anyone or anything for granted. I was so self centered and absorbed in myself back then. Jealous of a smart, successful older sister. How silly and stupid. She is smart and successful, and beautiful and kind, but I'm proud to call her my sister not jealous. I am thankful for the chance to bond with my sister. I am thankful that God kept her safe that day.
Life is truly precious, tell the people you love that you love them TODAY! I love you Jen.
Expect it did affect me and did change me. For years, I couldn't pinpoint the reason. I mean I am my mother's daughter, so that's probably one reason I'm so emotional, but it was looking back this anniversary that I figured it out.
Ten years ago, I stared blankly at my phone after listening to a confusing message from my mom. My mom must have assumed I knew what was going on. I had literally woke up, dressed and ran to my first class. And after my first class, I'm explaining my weird expression to my friend, Erin, "I don't know, my mom said my sister is ok and something about bombs in NY?"
I remember thinking nothing of it and not calling my mom back, because she was working. But when I got to my dorm and walked by two rooms with their TV's on, I started sprinting down the hall. Gaping at the TV, I tried to call my sister. Of course, I couldn't get through. Hearing from my mom that she was ok wasn't enough. I had to hear her voice. I wouldn't get to until 6 pm that night. That was the longest day of my life.
For a college freshman, freshly into a new experience, I think one of the hardest things to grasp was that life wasn't always rosy. It wasn't easy. The sheltered life I came from crashed before me. My eyes were open.
But this past week the most important lesson I realized I learned from all this? Life is precious. Never take anyone or anything for granted. I was so self centered and absorbed in myself back then. Jealous of a smart, successful older sister. How silly and stupid. She is smart and successful, and beautiful and kind, but I'm proud to call her my sister not jealous. I am thankful for the chance to bond with my sister. I am thankful that God kept her safe that day.
Life is truly precious, tell the people you love that you love them TODAY! I love you Jen.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
If I Knew
If I would have known what I know now
I would have told myself to wait
If I would have known what I know now
I would have told myself I am beautiful
If I would have known what I know now
I would have told myself I am worth it
If I would have known what I know now
I would have told myself that time heals all wounds
If I would have listened
I would have stopped and been still
If I would have listened
I would have stopped and prayed
If I would have taken the time to see You
I would have stopped and praised You
If I would have realized Your heart
I would have looked to the Heavens for answers
If I would have known what I know now
I would have known You were the only way
If I would have opened my eyes
I would have known You were always there
If I would have looked to my side
I would have known that You never leave
If I would have opened my heart
I would have known that You love me
Knowing what I know now
I know I am beautiful, worth it, and healed
Knowing what I know now
I know You are always there
Knowing what I know now
I love You, Thank You, and Praise You
Amen.
I would have told myself to wait
If I would have known what I know now
I would have told myself I am beautiful
If I would have known what I know now
I would have told myself I am worth it
If I would have known what I know now
I would have told myself that time heals all wounds
If I would have listened
I would have stopped and been still
If I would have listened
I would have stopped and prayed
If I would have taken the time to see You
I would have stopped and praised You
If I would have realized Your heart
I would have looked to the Heavens for answers
If I would have known what I know now
I would have known You were the only way
If I would have opened my eyes
I would have known You were always there
If I would have looked to my side
I would have known that You never leave
If I would have opened my heart
I would have known that You love me
Knowing what I know now
I know I am beautiful, worth it, and healed
Knowing what I know now
I know You are always there
Knowing what I know now
I love You, Thank You, and Praise You
Amen.
Monday, August 1, 2011
What I've learned... this year: Part 1- Ellie's Legacy
--- I'm going to start a 4 part series on the most important lessons, that God has taught me this year. Or I guess the ones that have really caught my attention, my breakthroughs.----
Acts 16: 5 (NLT) So the churches were strengthened in their faith and grew larger every day
It has followed me since middle school confirmation classes. One of the years of confirmation, we were assigned mentors. My mentor was Ellie. I loved Ellie. She was a sweet old lady, who had a passion for God. I don't think I fully recognized this at the time, but her gentle spirit shone through. Looking back now, I know what I loved about her. I loved God and her faith. She was a living breathing example of a Christ follower.
Ellie passed away around the time of my confirmation graduation. To honor her legacy, I talked my mother into helping me teach Ellie's Sunday school class of pre-kindergarteners. We switched every other Sunday throughout my high school years. I'm not sure I would say that I loved this type of servanthood, but it felt good doing something that Ellie so much loved and did without complaint.
The thing about serving in Children's ministry is I never was big on kids... I say this and I have a child. Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted a child of my own and I love my daughter like crazy. But I have a problem with naughty kids.
My first venture was a pleasant one. There was sweet little Adam, who was guaranteed to know the answer to every question and he listened and obeyed everything I said. Adam was the type of kid, that made me want to have 5 kids. That's not to say there wasn't the kids, where I frequented the question, "What did David do in the story?" or "What did I just say?" and they just stared at me blankly.
My second venture in children's ministries wasn't a good one. There were kids hitting each other, not listening and frustrations galore. I finally had to quit, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't tell the children's minsitry coordinator the main reason, which was, if I continued on this venture, I would never have kids of my own. :) I signed up for Women's ministries and fell in love immediatley, I never wanted to go back to Kids' Ministries.
Shortly after having my daughter, came a new season in my life, God moved my family to a new, smaller church. Being in a newer church, meant less opportunies to pick and chose where I've served. The pastor's wife approached me about helping in my daughter's class. On the inside, I'm instantly thinking, "oh boy here I go again!" I wanted to serve though and this was my opportunity.
I hate to admit it, but I wasn't so happy about it at first. Fortunately unlike my old church, there were enough volunteers that I didn't have to do it every weekend, so that helped. I pouted though, when it was my weekend, "but God... I want to be fed! I want to go to worship! They are naughty! They don't listen! I can't discipline them, because they aren't my kids!"
It was at a ministry meeting with the pastor's wife, when she spoke about the importantance of the kid's ministry. So many people walk through that door, needing to know God, needing to be fed, needing to hear that sermon and by watching their children, I am affording them the opportunity to really concentrate on God's Word. In a way, you could say, the people watching your children at church, are helping bring people to Christ. A person could be sitting in church and hear that message that resonates with their soul and make a decision to receive Christ as their savior. Could they have done that with their 3 year old wiggling or whining in the seat next to them? Probably not.
And teaching these stories to little ones does sink in, little by little. Children do listen, not always, but they typically do watch what you do. Take for instance my daughter. I started praying with her before bedtime the begining of the summer (she's 2). She now grabs my hands randomly and asks me to pray. Maybe she doesn't completely get it, but it's sinking in.
By honoring God by obeying His commands and helping grow my church, God has grown me. I didn't think I was really that good with other people's kids. Maybe I'm not as good as others, I mean I almost threw up on a poor kid with a really stinky diaper, because apparently I can only handle my own daughter's stinky diapers. But God is working on me, the kids feel comfortable with me, and I'm starting to get the hang of it. I'm also starting to feel less uncomfortable around other kids. :)
We might not always feel like doing what we are asked to do, but helping grow God's church will bless you in ways you never thought possible. So before you say no, think about what you could be doing to help build the Kingdom of Heaven. This could be a growth opportunity for you as well.
For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up. Romans 14: 17-19
Acts 16: 5 (NLT) So the churches were strengthened in their faith and grew larger every day
It has followed me since middle school confirmation classes. One of the years of confirmation, we were assigned mentors. My mentor was Ellie. I loved Ellie. She was a sweet old lady, who had a passion for God. I don't think I fully recognized this at the time, but her gentle spirit shone through. Looking back now, I know what I loved about her. I loved God and her faith. She was a living breathing example of a Christ follower.
Ellie passed away around the time of my confirmation graduation. To honor her legacy, I talked my mother into helping me teach Ellie's Sunday school class of pre-kindergarteners. We switched every other Sunday throughout my high school years. I'm not sure I would say that I loved this type of servanthood, but it felt good doing something that Ellie so much loved and did without complaint.
The thing about serving in Children's ministry is I never was big on kids... I say this and I have a child. Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted a child of my own and I love my daughter like crazy. But I have a problem with naughty kids.
My first venture was a pleasant one. There was sweet little Adam, who was guaranteed to know the answer to every question and he listened and obeyed everything I said. Adam was the type of kid, that made me want to have 5 kids. That's not to say there wasn't the kids, where I frequented the question, "What did David do in the story?" or "What did I just say?" and they just stared at me blankly.
My second venture in children's ministries wasn't a good one. There were kids hitting each other, not listening and frustrations galore. I finally had to quit, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't tell the children's minsitry coordinator the main reason, which was, if I continued on this venture, I would never have kids of my own. :) I signed up for Women's ministries and fell in love immediatley, I never wanted to go back to Kids' Ministries.
Shortly after having my daughter, came a new season in my life, God moved my family to a new, smaller church. Being in a newer church, meant less opportunies to pick and chose where I've served. The pastor's wife approached me about helping in my daughter's class. On the inside, I'm instantly thinking, "oh boy here I go again!" I wanted to serve though and this was my opportunity.
I hate to admit it, but I wasn't so happy about it at first. Fortunately unlike my old church, there were enough volunteers that I didn't have to do it every weekend, so that helped. I pouted though, when it was my weekend, "but God... I want to be fed! I want to go to worship! They are naughty! They don't listen! I can't discipline them, because they aren't my kids!"
It was at a ministry meeting with the pastor's wife, when she spoke about the importantance of the kid's ministry. So many people walk through that door, needing to know God, needing to be fed, needing to hear that sermon and by watching their children, I am affording them the opportunity to really concentrate on God's Word. In a way, you could say, the people watching your children at church, are helping bring people to Christ. A person could be sitting in church and hear that message that resonates with their soul and make a decision to receive Christ as their savior. Could they have done that with their 3 year old wiggling or whining in the seat next to them? Probably not.
And teaching these stories to little ones does sink in, little by little. Children do listen, not always, but they typically do watch what you do. Take for instance my daughter. I started praying with her before bedtime the begining of the summer (she's 2). She now grabs my hands randomly and asks me to pray. Maybe she doesn't completely get it, but it's sinking in.
By honoring God by obeying His commands and helping grow my church, God has grown me. I didn't think I was really that good with other people's kids. Maybe I'm not as good as others, I mean I almost threw up on a poor kid with a really stinky diaper, because apparently I can only handle my own daughter's stinky diapers. But God is working on me, the kids feel comfortable with me, and I'm starting to get the hang of it. I'm also starting to feel less uncomfortable around other kids. :)
We might not always feel like doing what we are asked to do, but helping grow God's church will bless you in ways you never thought possible. So before you say no, think about what you could be doing to help build the Kingdom of Heaven. This could be a growth opportunity for you as well.
For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up. Romans 14: 17-19
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Thirsty
John 7:37-38 On the last day, the climax of the festival, Jesus stood and shouted to the crowds, “Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! 38 Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.
I've been drinking a lot of water lately for healthy living challenge at work. A lot of times in the morning, as I am sure is this way with many people, I am pretty dehydrated. I try to drink a glass of water immediatley, but things get busy and even sometimes when I do drink a glass, by the time I get to work, I'm dying for more water.
This morning, I was pretty distracted and was sucking down coffee like nobody's business, forgetting the whole time that I needed to be drinking my water at the same time. About mid morning, I was starting to not to feel well. In fact I was starting to feel pretty crappy.
Suddenly as it dawned on me how dehydrated I was, I walked to the fridge and started chugging a water bottle. Like magic, the water started flowing into my body and I could almost feel it work it's way through me. I instantly felt better.
This is just like Jesus's living water. We need to spend time daily in His Word and praying to God. Let the living Word soak into your body and heal you. Daily time with your Lord will make your thirsty like never before. Drink of Him and experience a peace like never before.
I've been drinking a lot of water lately for healthy living challenge at work. A lot of times in the morning, as I am sure is this way with many people, I am pretty dehydrated. I try to drink a glass of water immediatley, but things get busy and even sometimes when I do drink a glass, by the time I get to work, I'm dying for more water.
This morning, I was pretty distracted and was sucking down coffee like nobody's business, forgetting the whole time that I needed to be drinking my water at the same time. About mid morning, I was starting to not to feel well. In fact I was starting to feel pretty crappy.
Suddenly as it dawned on me how dehydrated I was, I walked to the fridge and started chugging a water bottle. Like magic, the water started flowing into my body and I could almost feel it work it's way through me. I instantly felt better.
This is just like Jesus's living water. We need to spend time daily in His Word and praying to God. Let the living Word soak into your body and heal you. Daily time with your Lord will make your thirsty like never before. Drink of Him and experience a peace like never before.
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